Monday, September 28, 2009

Field of genitalia

What if you could grow genitalia? Like a field of vaginas underfoot or penis flowers as tall as sunflowers? What happens to the old ones? Do they get buried in the ground like seeds fallen from trees? Do they wilt and droop? All of nature is sexual. Including us. Interchangeable parts.


The process of adjustment is slow and evolving. I am in such a place right now. I suspect that we process change in multiple ways and often our intellectual races ahead of the emotional and physical. And then sometimes that goes backwards. I feel like I've spent the last year, at least, in a perpetual state of constant low trauma. No car accident, no flooding, no earthquake and habitat destruction in an instant but a persistent, consistent deterioration of "Life as we used to live it." What was, had definitively changed. What was going to be, was unknown. Things had changed and couldn't go back but I didn't know where they were headed. No comfort zone. Alarm, panic but control over the panic. Strategy about how to deal with all sorts of possible futures always in the front of my mind which left me with little energy to, well, let myself be. As if I had become "Me In Crisis" all the time. It became my persona.

Things have stabilized and there is some security and yet, because I've been living in a state of heightened awareness and readiness to act, I can't let go and feel secure. I am afraid to let myself not be "Me In Crisis." I bounce about. I try to keep some discipline as a structure so I can adjust but the moments in between the structure are wrought with depression, lethargy, disinterest, frustration, irritability, confusion and then, suddenly, clarity followed by emptiness. This is the process of change. These are the remnants of panic and alarm. Over time, they will dissipate. Sit and observe. Then do. The process can't be rushed. This, too, shall pass.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Crossing a line

A subject came up recently on a social networking site I belong to and on a related subject on a blog I read. And it has to do with wanting or wishing violence or death or ill-will on someone, a public figure, an anonymous commenter, someone whose opinion is diametrically opposed to theirs. Right now, we have giant media megaphones like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh making hyperbolic claims and proclamations of opinion advocating revolution and rebellion, which, in of itself, is benign - until you get regular non-media people showing up to protest rallies and presidential speeches with loaded weapons and in some cases concealed, loaded weapons. Without commenting on the stupidity and idiocy of doing such a thing (and leave off the 2nd amendment crap, just because you can, doesn't mean you should), watching the temperature escalate where impending domestic political violence seems just around the corner has prompted some people to begin wishing the same fate on those who, well, started the whole spiral. Rush Limbaugh should die. Glenn Beck should die. And so on. But think about it. Do you really want people to die? What are you saying when you drop your opinion of death to assholes like Limbaugh, Beck, Hannity, the entire Fox News crew and all the minions who follow? Isn't it really just an indication that they've managed to get under your skin, piss you off, make you mad? Wishing someone dead is not the same as really the reality of that happening. What comes around goes around. Having had some experience with people who are really, really good at getting under your skin and making you wish things that are out of character for you, better to be smart, be aware but ignore their blatherings as best you can. That doesn't mean you ignore it if someone really is carrying a gun, seems a little hostile and out of whack and shows signs that they are dangerous, but sometimes people who have ideas that are very insignificant and who are tremendously insecure are simply looking for attention. Or ratings.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Go Here Now

World Science Festival 2009: Bobby McFerrin Demonstrates the Power of the Pentatonic Scale from World Science Festival on Vimeo.


We do so much just to make ourselves feel better and then try to add meaning to it as if to convince that we're "making a difference." News item locally about a "candlelight vigil" for a teen that was shot and killed a few days ago. I hesitate to comment but it does make me wonder about the superficiality of things like this. Why a candlelight vigil? What purpose does it serve but a public display of "We really cared about __________."? And isn't that display for the benefit of other living people to show that you're "in" with the "in" crowd? If you don't attend the vigil, does that make you an insensitive person to the plight of those "honored?" If the vigil garners only a few people, is that an indication of how little the fallen one was loved? If the vigil turns out hundreds and thousands of candle-holding participants, does that make the person "really" popular, even in death? Love it, a popularity contest for the deceased.

People don't question certain rituals and whether or not they have any meaning. They just do them, blindly. Like the pigeon dance. I guess it's my biggest beef with organized religion in general, the empty meaningless ritual and the heavy, guilt-laden obligation to perform that motivates it.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Friday, September 11, 2009


Peace to all affected by this day.

Data is Nature

Most interesting site:

Image from Goldenwood Shores - Ross Racine & Non-standard musical notation - Strangetractor
Link on